Searched for: nautilus

January 21, 2010

You know, the seashell with the pretty swirls from your math book? Yeah, didn’t need the 90’s bikini teen to completely steal the focus of the image. In fact, no one needs that. Ever. But hey, the upside of the totally obscured subject matter is the 4 extra hours it will take me to finish the project – and that’s good for my bank account.

Corny nautilus bikini girl

Thanks for shelling out the billable hours, bikini girl!

Searched for: woman shouting

January 19, 2010

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write here. This is just a terrible illustration which cannot be used anywhere. Also, I feel like I’m staring into her skull via her nasal passages on the right… Just wanted to share.


Look into my brain when I shout at you!

Searched for: woman overwhelmed

January 8, 2010

So, you’re shouting into a magnifying glass in the middle of the desert … is the overwhelming part that your tongue is searing from the sun rays or that nobody came to your meeting on a sand dune?

Woman with magnifying glass in her mouth in the desert.

Can anybody hear my big mouth??

Searched for: child upset

January 4, 2010

What in the flunked-out-of-art-school am I looking at here? The “illustration” is entitled, Illustration of Child Emotions. I’m no artist, but isn’t it difficult to emote when your nose hole is where your mouth hole should be?

For sale: shit you can draw better yourself

Searched for: woman close-up

January 1, 2010

What? What the hell is she supposed to be doing? Pleading for more spanking?

Don't mix nonsense with leather.

Don't mix business with pleather.

Searched for: new year’s eve

December 31, 2009

While it is considered a hack maneuver to use the cuteness of babies in advertising, making babies cry for a photo shoot is commitment to your craft.

What did I ever do to you?

Searched for: crazy (part 2)

December 30, 2009

As I’ve said before, searching for “crazy” stock photography is a demented, yet playful, journey to madness. I would pay just to see this image used in an ad.

Do you want to touch my orbs?

Searched for: camera (part 2)

December 29, 2009

Welp, at least you can’t see his face – saving him the ridicule from his classmates. Not to mention the endless calls from local priests.

I'm the sexiest kid on my block

Searched for: camera

December 28, 2009

“Can you see the surprise on my face as I realistically push this button??” That’s how models “acted” back in the 90’s when this was taken. Oh wait, they still “act” that way – like people who will never be actors.

Quick, get the shot - I can't act much longer!

Searched for: children shouting

December 23, 2009

Some illustrations are better than others. This one is not. I’m not even sure how this constitutes a child.

Oh, to be a young mutant freak again...